garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I want to make a zoo with you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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