Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
this hospital has no fireball
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
