Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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