Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
