I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
