Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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