well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
