Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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