He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
