If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
