Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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