i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
