Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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