I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this just has baby written all over it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
