yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
