you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
