My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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