I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
