a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
