Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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