you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I AM VODKA MAN
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
