my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
