You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
