Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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