in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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