Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
