like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
