I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We have so much sex to catch up on
They are going to name an STD after you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
