i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
