Sry I called you an 8
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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