stop calling my apartment porn island.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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