now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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