Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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