He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
