I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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