He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
