i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
