Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize