The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
