i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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