as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
