And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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