Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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