Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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