: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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