A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think i got beer on your cat.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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