My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
