I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
