oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
