you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
