hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
