We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I could fuck to npr.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
