your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize