I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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