She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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