i would punch a child for taco bell
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
