Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
