if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
