Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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