Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
