This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm getting married
To pizza
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
