from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
