she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
