Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
