This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize