So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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