Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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