I wanna passion pit in your ass
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
