You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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