What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
