Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
